Archive | Darling Essays

I’m changing my name

By Erin Darling on September 28, 2018 in Darling Essays

The day Matt told me he was done with our marriage, I took myself out of the house. I bought a dress from a thrift store and sat alone in a booth at a pizza restaurant, eating my favorite toppings and feeling numb about the uncertainty that lay ahead.

Sitting in my car, unsure what to do next, words by Mary Oliver that I’d read ages ago came to me: “I was a bride married to amazement… I was a bride married to amazement… I was a bride married to amazement…” Hungry for more, I googled the line to find the entire poem: (more…)

Come stand on the blank page with me

By Erin Darling on August 13, 2018 in Darling Essays, Darling Original Artwork

I am not ashamed of getting divorced. Divorce has been a winnowing experience for me.

First, I cleared physical clutter from my life, giving up things that I did not need in order to stay close to my girls. I budgeted carefully, gave up my car and simplified my spending habits so that I could stay home.

Then I cleared out emotional clutter, letting go of relationships with people who did not believe in me. I was told to get a real job or to stop homeschooling or to parent differently. I was told that everything bad that was happening to me was my fault.

But there were other people, people who stood by me, and I couldn’t have made it through this year without their support. (more…)

Winnowing

By Erin Darling on February 28, 2018 in Darling Essays, Darling Homemaking, Darling Original Artwork

The dishwasher was the first thing to break. I told myself that I’d rip it out of the wall, use the nook for muddy boots and yard supplies. The truth was I couldn’t afford to replace it or fix it.

I saw an ad on craigslist where a handyman would exchange household work for women’s panties, preferably unwashed ones. How desperate would someone be to make that choice? I never want to be in that position. I realize I need to make more money, find a reliable handyman. Money is freedom. (more…)

I don’t know why.

By Erin Darling on October 24, 2017 in Darling Essays, Darling Original Artwork

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I don’t know why.

At night, after my girls drift off to sleep, I slide out from between their two warm bodies, slip out of my bedroom, and find a bit of space to sort through my thoughts about Matt leaving. I’ve been numb for months. But now that I’m starting to get a handle on my single-mom life, the parts of myself I’d shut off to survive are waking up, full of pain. And I’m tired. Of everything. (more…)

On the Threshold of Fear

By Erin Darling on January 2, 2017 in Darling Essays

I never thought that I would be accepted as a vendor for Renegade Craft Fair in Seattle this winter. Renegade is huge. Their Instagram account alone has 139,000 followers. I had to put up my entire booth fee with my application, and all autumn I was making plans for what I would do with the money when they rejected me and I got my refund. (more…)

Settling, in Catan and in Art

By Erin Darling on October 3, 2016 in Darling Essays, Darling Original Artwork

autumn ekwetzel grape leaves

I started playing Settlers of Catan in high school, when we turned “chess club” into “strategy club” so we had an excuse to game after school. (more…)

The Art of Making a Mess

By Erin Darling on September 21, 2016 in Darling Essays, Darling Original Artwork

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I do just enough dishes to have a clean spot on the counter to paint. Listening to the shitstorm that is American politics on the radio, I fear that my dumb little animals are meaningless. I paint them anyway. (more…)

Staying Connected Keeps Me Alive

By Erin Darling on September 6, 2016 in Darling Essays

kitchen spaghetti

Years ago, before I had two kids, I read about living a simpler life. Now, if I want to disconnect and take a walk in the woods, I must pack diapers and band aids and snacks and sunscreen, and then catch a bus and listen to Phoebe whine about tired feet before we even reach the forest. (more…)

Discover the Wild Animal Inside of Your Loved Ones

By Erin Darling on August 10, 2015 in Darling Essays, Darling Original Artwork

Inside of each of us there lives a wild spirit.

It’s easy to overlook this intangible part of our being, but it creeps up into our awareness, through our nicknames, our slang, our childlike imaginations. We often use animals to help us describe the otherwise indescribable aspects of ourselves.

What is the difference between a hug and a bear hug? What do we mean when we say one person is sheepish and another is foxy?

Animals make terrific analogies for the different parts of the human spirit or the different personalities that people exhibit. Animals are fun. They are whimsical. And the anthropomorphism of our favorite critters is something that has been around ever since children sat around a fire listening to the first fables and stories known to man.

We tend to compartmentalize our concept of The Physical apart from our concept of The Metaphysical. But what if the two were intertwined all along? What if the skin on our faces reflected the face of our souls? What would that look like?

Maybe it looks something like this. (more…)

What is the Shape of Your Soul?

By Erin Darling on January 19, 2015 in Darling Essays, Darling Original Artwork

The only statement you really need to make is the sound of Your Name pressed against the never-ending skin of the universe.

When someone is striving to be more spiritual or more religious, all too often they end up despising their physical existence in the hunt for the metaphysical. I have been guilty of this. I understand the impulse. I want to rub up against something divine, to grant Meaning and Purpose to my mundane existence. I want to believe things happen for a Reason, that the monotony and heartbreak of everyday life isn’t all that there is.

I’m not supposed to talk about these things. It’s not polite. But, during tragedies, or in the quiet, lonely moments of the night, these feelings slink about in my heart, like never-ending questions. What is the meaning? Who am I? What is my purpose?

I don’t have answers, but I find comfort in words. (more…)

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